BORING CHRISTMAS?

Boredom is slowly sinking in.

I find myself doing things that I normally wouldn't do. For example searching for Christmas songs on YouTube. Yesh...imagine that!

I guess this year I'm really really in the mood for Christmas. There are many things around me that gets me all hyped up actually. Well for one thing I've been hanging out a bit and I see the colourful and mesmerizing Christmas decoration ornamenting all the shopping malls. Really gets me in the mood. And while doing some weekly shopping with my mum in Tesco and the other day with King Kong, I heard a couple of great Christmas songs by Taylor Swift and David Archuleta. Can you believe that all the Tescos actually synchronize their play-list?

Anyway I am not a Christian and so naturally, Christmas to me was just another holiday. When I was younger, I always anticipated the Christmas presents that I'm going to receive from my aunt. As I grow older, even this tradition somehow evaporated. Nevertheless, I always enjoy the serenity that the whole idea of Christmas brings to me. It's a festival where I imagine myself relaxing to the beautiful lightings of the Christmas decorations and also pampering my ears to the beautiful melodies of the Christmas carols.

This year I have a feeling that my Christmas won't be the same.

The past few years, my Christmas nights had always been fun-filled with laughter and lame jokes by my college mates. The reality has finally sink in as it is clear that we really can't relive those moments anymore. Most of us had gone our different ways. Everyone is busy with work and building a foundation on their career path. It's really a bittersweet feeling. We used to be young and carefree but now everyone has to cope with their own problems.

Slowly and slowly, I feel the strands of memories of us together slowly drifting away from the compounds of my brains. I try to collect them and stop them from leaving, but it seems that controlling the evaporation is getting harder and harder.

I was creating my playlist on my music player. Suddenly the sounds of Amos Lee and Gavin DeGraw penetrate my ears. Oh God...suddenly I miss the streets of Liverpool. These are the 2 singers that accompanied me while I walked along the streets of Liverpool, to University and to the city centre. I wish I could teleport myself there right now and feel the biting coldness of the Liverpool air. Again, memories~

Sometimes, I forced myself to forget though in so many ways I try to hang on to it. Remembering something that you love so much is really hard...but darn, you just have to hold on to it because you don't want to lose it. But eventually, most of it will fade away, just like the colour of your over-washed T-shirt. Part of me wants to keep it but another part of me tells me to wake up and live the moment, and not on the past.

I miss many things - I miss my flat, I miss my flatmates, I miss my dinner mates, I miss all my ABC mates, I actually miss doing the assignments (yes, I must be outta my mind).  I MISS LIVERPOOL. This is what happens when your brain is filled with nothing. You continue to dwell on the past. My God...I better start on something soon. =D

Okaylar..

I'm awake! The next few days will be darn hectic for me, which is good ya. At least it will keep my mind focused on something. It's not all bad. If I don't get to spend my Christmas with my bunch of crazzzzzzzieee friends, I can still chill at home and spend some quality time with my beloved family.

TammyC

THE TRANSITION

I looked out the window panes and I see total blurness.

Rain is pouring down like nobody's business. Good thing I actually love the rain (only when I'm at home). Rain is good. It mellows down things and gets people in the mood for hibernation. =D

But I'm beginning to love the sun more and more, especially after Liverpool. In Liverpool, sunshine was my good friend because the touch of sunlight brings warmth to my almost stone-cold body. I remember walking towards the sun ALL THE TIME. I still do now. Well, I'm proud to say, I'm not a 'puteri lilin' haha.

Anywayzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I read an article in The Sun newspapers today while waiting for Farah. The article aptly describes the position I'm in right now and the way I'm feeling about life. The author pens about how she dreads the 'aging' process and that the new year reminds her of just that, that she is stepping into a new age group. She reminisce about childhood and how life as a child and a grownup is so different.

It's so true that when we're young, we want to grow up because being an adult means FREEDOM~ Now that I'm all, well, considered grown-up, I just want to turn back time and go back to those days where life was really not as complicated as now. I remember that when I was a kid, time seems to move so freaking slowly. But now, boy, time really does fly. It's December already?

Once you get to that 'old' age, it seems that you really can't stop aging.
Sigh. But I do believe that if we are young at heart, we are forever young. That's the great thing. We are who we believe we are.

But since we are on the topic of being young and carefree and all, I notice kids these days are like...
When I was like 7, I played with my bro and sis everyday after school. Today, kids hang out in front of their PS2 or their computers.
All I wanted was Barbie dolls and their dresses, but kids today are talking about iPhones, Xbox, Wii...wow! I have no idea if it's a good thing that technological development has taken us a step further or should I feel a tad sad that the next generation is missing out on the fundamental ways of having fun.

I remember drawing my own paper dolls with my best friend, Evon, who is now on her way to becoming a fashion designer. Anyway, that was like the best game in the world. Our dolls could have so many different types of clothes...all designed by us. We even have our Spice Girls dolls. Those were the good old days. Now, kids enjoy the luxury of playing online but then miss out on the fun of creating their own games. But maybe it's not all that bad.

When I was a teen, all I think about was my PMR and SPM and well, the TV shows, music and movies =D. Well maybe I'm the couch-potato slash nerd type lar.

But now...check out the kid's Personal Message. It's like they are facing a life crisis or something..."My heart is crushed" lar..."How could I express the pain I feel when you left" lar..."You don't know but I love you" lar...I mean like...how old are you kids? You mature way too fast...
 

Freakin' hilarious when I see their status on FB...they sound so sad because of their so-called love problems. Aiya...I know I'm evil really but I don't know why I never understand relationship problems. I guess I'm still in my dreamy 'happy-ever-after' mode lar. Maybe reality is ...there's never gonna be a perfect relationship. Hmmm maybe that's why I dread relationships (okaylar maybe also because of the fact that I'm so immature hehe. Who'd date a kid right? Ahem). But if getting in a relationship IS LIKE SO FREAKING CONFUSING, I guess it's best I leave that out of our lives.  Argh...but then again, it's like running away from challenges. Nevermind.

 

But then even if you are like so into lurve, I don't understand why the need to actually publicize it...Well, I just don't see myself doing that sort of thing haha... I wish I could tell these kids that there are more to life than just dating. Well then again, what do I know right. I'm just a 22-year-old shorty who might live life as a spinster. Lolx!

Anywayz, moving on. Had a great time with Farah today. Talking to Farah is really enlightening because she is always opinionated about things and her confidence and ideas always blows me away. I think though there are things that we might not see eye-to-eye on, her insights always opens my eyes to the other way of looking at things; making me more critical and analytical in some ways. Thanks Farah for a lovely day and the books! =D Thanks for bringing back memories.

Right now I'm trying to start my gaming mode again. I'm re-installing my Sims 2 and trying to finish up the book that I've been reading since early November. =D
Okay...
Life is good~ hehe at least for now but nothing is built to last so...*fingers crossed* I hope I'll continue to welcome happy days.

TammyC

FURNITURE ADVENTURE

Another great day!

I love it when my day is spent outside, moving around. I hate confinements, though I always love  to chill in front of my lappie or my bed with a book, with some music (like now) after a long day. That's the reason why I guess I can never really survive a 9 to 5 job...hmm...at least now I can't lolx. Maybe when I'm loaded with kids I can. ;P

I feel that a day is most fulfilling when I get to do something fruitful, walk around, observe people around me and just enjoy the sights and sounds around me.

My perfect day: A day spent hanging out with family and friends - eating, watching a movie, chatting, just walking around and seeing things and relaxing to some music while writing about how great or sucky my day had been, penning about the people I've met and also perhaps the things I've learned.

Today, I went to IKEA with my friend. Bought a few furniture since she is officially moving in to a new place near Dataran Sunway, where I used to work. I feel kinda sad actually. All my friends are like now so far away from me. In some ways, I kinda feel that after today, we won't be seeing a lot of each other really. I don't know why but I just feel it's a kinda farewell thing today.

Anyway IKEA is like one of the best furniture shop around town - cheap and supposedly easy to assemble. But unfortunately, the 'easy-to-assemble' part doesn't apply to that particular piece we bought today.

It was supposed to be easy right? But I just don't understand why the screw just can't be screwed into the hole! We've used up both our energy and force but the screw, well was just stuck halfway and not getting any further in. Feeling cheated, both of us drove back all the way to IKEA to seek an explanation. Is it the screw or the super small hole that is supposed to be bigger?

When we got there, the IKEA dude managed to actually SCREW IT IN! What more can I say? At that moment, I felt so useless and stupid. It's kinda like being the unskilled worker blaming its tool. LOL.

Then...I said jokingly to my friend: "Great! IKEA goods are sexist?" (I mean it jokingly lar...don't mean to offend IKEA or anyone ya) Apparently only guys can screw it in lar...cuz it obviously needs extra energy for that screw to be spiraled into that tiny hole. I mean, at least lar make it easy for us girls too. We want to be independent too without the need to ask the guys to do it, though it would be easier for us but then...still.

In the end, we went home but the piece was still unfix because there was another unresolved problem with the pole. My God! I guess it's another visit to IKEA. Well it's not that bad lar since I've learned a valuable lesson about furniture - DON'T BE AFRAID TO USE FORCE! haha.

Also I got to hang out a while in The Curve. The Christmas deco there was brilliant!~ I am now going to be on a mission - gonna select the top 3 Christmas deco in Malaysia's shopping malls. I've only seen Pavillion's and The Curve. Both are impressive. I love the Curve's Cupid Theme. I don't know why I love stuff that is related to 'love'.

Ikano's one was a bit...well...weird. They could do so much better than the theme 'Underworld Christmas'. I mean, it's not really the theme that's bad but the whole decoration isn't attractive at all. I was like...is that it? It's so un-Christmas to begin with. What has fishes and a blue stage gotta do with Christmas. Sorry Ikano. Hmmm...I have such negative remarks maybe because I'm still bummed about my past experience with the Ikano buses that were so unpunctual, erm...unpunctual is not even right to describe it because the bus was practically MIA. That night I was stuck at Kota Damansara after work til 10PM and my dad had to drive all the way to collect the poor me after his long day of work. Sad sad...anywayz that was another crazzzzie experience with transportation. Thank God I have a SLK (small little Kancil) now. It has served me well and I really love it because it gets me going haha, like literally. The thing with me is, I don't need fancy fancy cars...I just want one that gets me places - literally and metaphorically haha.

Anywayzzzz...gonna upload some cool Christmas pics after I've 'lepaked' (hang out) enough in the all the shopping malls I can manage. This year, I think my Christmas is going to be just another Christmas though. No parties...no nothing. Why do I sound so pathetic? Cuz maybe I am lolx.

As December is moving along swiftly while the new year is closing in, I can't help but wonder about my New Year's fate. How would it be? Right now, I just hope that I can continue to develop in my career (which is like the most important thing for me now) and in many ways hope that I'll maintain my social life and get to keep contact with all my buddies.

Tomorrow it's another date with yet another friend - FARAH MARSHITA who's back from UK for a taste of home sweet home. I'm trying to keep these few weeks as busy as possible, with NO TIME TO SPARE so that I won't feel lethargic and confined.

Well cheers to another day~!

Love,

TammYC

(PS: I'm sensing that dad is not happy with my lepaking ways already...opps! What? I can't help that I'm a social butterfly lol)

It's 3.30AM. I've just washed my hair and it's wrapped up like a turban on top of my head. I'm not crazy, you know, washing hair at this hour but I realized that I can't survive 2 days without washing my hair. It's not the itch, but the feeling that it's dirty. Anyway, enough about hair. Haha.

Today was a relaxing day for me. Slept practically the whole day. Can't remember the last time I actually had so much sleep. Watch a movie. It's really a lazy Sunday. Like real lazy. That's the beauty of doing nothing really. But it gets really sucky when it you have nothing to do all the time. Boredom kills. As much as I love doing nothing, I am planning to do more next week and the week after that. But right now, my schedule is still blank.LOL!

Had loads of dreams today. Maybe it's the fact that I've been sleeping too much haha.

Dreamt about a few of my friends, which initiated me to actually ask them out for some 'yum cha' (hanging out) sessions. It's really funny. I always treat these dreams as a signal that I have to do something to keep in touch. I don't know why. I mean, it's not like I don't care about me friends. I love them a lot a lot, but sadly, I'm not the kind of person who would always call and get them to go out, unless it's been ages since we hang out, then I feel obliged to call. Sad huh...I don't even know what kinda friend I am. I guess maybe in some ways I hate the feeling of being rejected.

Anyway if there's one gift in the ultimate gift that I feel that God has given me, it's the gift of Friends and Family. There's a beautiful quote in the Ultimate Gift about family.

"Family is not as much about being related by blood as it is about relating through love".

There's a lot of truth in this you know. There are many many times when I feel that my friends are actually part of my family because they care and love me so much and I share the same affection for them really. There are times where I felt that maybe they are the ones who might really understand from where I stand, especially when all you need is just someone to listen. There are times where all you need is just someone who would lend you their ears and just support you no matter what. I just feel that my friends are always there for me no matter what.

And of course, I have my family who are always there for me too. Though there were times where everyone misunderstands everyone, be it friends or family members, but I'm glad that our love for each other bonds us together. It's amazing the many times I feel so blessed and touched by the things my friends and family do for me...really. It's like words can't expressed my gratitude towards them.

Just one of those days I want to know to bed feeling blessed...
Well good night world~

25 DOLLAR VIDEO

I was greeted this morning by an email.

It provided a link to a touching clip. I guess it's another one of those days where I feel so easily overwhelmed with emotions. 

(CLICK) FOR MUST WATCH VIDEO

The video tells us to appreciate our loved ones, spend more time with them so that we don't regret it someday. I guess it's true that we don't know what we have till we lost it.

Thought I'd share something before bed.

I'm super tired. Off to bed!

TammyC

WHY A BATH CAN WAIT?

It's 11.30PM - I just reached home and haven't even bath. Once I sampai rumah, I find myself glued to my laptop already. I have nothing much to write here but I just feel like I just need to update my blog. Can't remember when I started loving to write (or type) so much. I used to love drawing but hell, don't know where I put that interest haha.

Was greeted by a new glass door by the elevator today. Well, before we step into the lift which will 'teleport' us up to our individual houses, we actually have to scan our access card, which then permits us to enter through a glass door. So, basically, that door has not been functioning for a while now and the glass was shattered to pieces around last week. Filling in temporary was a wood plank and today...NEW DOOR! Nothing much lar...just a door but don't know why super excited.

Had a short gathering with JT and Ai Yin. Doing some catching up. JT seems to be enjoying his job a lot haha...I guess in some ways he's living part of my dream job. Ai Yin seemed to have found a new job...I really hope she finds what she's looking for.

I am looking forward to what's ahead of me and it's a great feeling to be excited about things again. Well, haha...I sound like I've been depressed for years. No lar, I was being too emotional for the past 2 months or so. Darn! Time to be myself again. If everything goes well, I think next year is going to be a fun year... YAY!!

But now, my short term wish is to get rid of this weird thing that's growing on my mouth since this morning. It's ugly and it's killing me! It's a painful (literally) reminder of how ugly I look. I don't know if it's the heat or my punishment for having a 'critical' mouth haha...'critical' as in always criticizing and commenting others haha. Hope not!

And let's hope tomorrow is a brighter day for all. Gotta keep the smiles going man! =D

Well, why a bath can wait?

Answer - because I want to blog.

Lame I know. Sorry. But trust me, there are lamer people out there. LOL

TammyC

MY TAKE ON THE GIFT OF WORK

Been living a few great days because everyday is different. I've been hanging out with my family a lot, watching some movies and well basically learning to enjoy life again. December seems like a great start for me (not financially though haha). September and October 2009 were the lowest period of my life; I was stuck with slow routines and basically unmotivated to move on because I wasn't happy with myself and I felt that I wasn't going anywhere with my goals. I thank God because it's a blessing that He has swayed me back to a path that I'm cruising on rather than pushing on.

Anyway, I wrote on the book "The Ultimate Gift" yesterday and the first gift on the list is the gift of work. Well, perfectly timed because as I'm writing this, I'm actually job hunting, basically searching for work.

The book teaches us that Work is good. We learn when we work. We seek meaning in life when we work. When you feel life is meaningless when you work, to me, it's really time when you start rethinking things. I've been there and it thought me a lesson. But then again, I could be too idealistic because I tend to always hope to have things my way, according to how I planned. Sadly, it's not always the case.

I guess not many realized the importance of work. Obviously, most people would say that they prefer to NOT DO ANYTHING and laze around. Well, if you've been at a position where you were hired to do NOTHING, you'll know how sucky that feels. You feel that you have no contributions and no goals because you have nothing to achieve. That's when you would want to seek work...whatever it is, you just want to do something.

I remember in college, the best assignments are the ones that require the most work and most effort. Those are the assignments that allow you to look back and go "I can't believe I pulled through that period". I mean, the end product might not be perfect, but it's your baby and the pride and sense of accomplishment you have is the best feeling in the world.

Studying in Liverpool also gave me those feelings. It was a true sense of happiness seeing all of us (me & all my friends) making through the 15 assignments in 3 months, bearing in mind that we were not used to the scholarly style haha. Some of my goofy laid-back friends undergo a 360 degree transformation when they were in Liverpool. They CARE A LOT MORE about the assignments haha. Suddenly, the nerdy population increased by a few percent. Thank God they still manage to maintain their sense of humour. I mean, seriously, without their clown-acts, we can't make it through 3 months.

But looking back at our 3 month journey, I really am happy that we fought through the tough times. It wasn't easy at all for us and I bet all of the mass communication students agree. But like I said, the satisfaction we got from the experience was priceless.

I miss feeling that way about things. I miss finishing something and then being able to pat myself (secretly) on the back and say...Well, you've made it or you've done it. I mean, it's not like all the work or assignments were perfect but at least you feel proud of the whole effort the team has put in and then you feel a bond with the people you pulled through with. I've never felt that way since Liverpool.

2 months was enough to dilute my hyperactiveness and cast me into a world of darkness. 2 months were the toughest moments in my life because I actually lost a sense of direction - like WHERE AM I GOING HERE? What do I want? What do I enjoy?

I guess with my job, I'm still searching for that sense of satisfaction. I don't know if I'm being too idealistic or not to think that we should actually work for passion and the sense of satisfaction. Well I mean, my realistic brains reminds me that no job out there is perfect but at least make 80% of it fun and satisfying haha.

You know what? I felt that my decision to take a turn in my career path is actually a right one. I was lost but I'm groping and now, I sense the sunlight...HOPEFULLY I CAN FIND IT haha.

I feel that I am too green in a lot of things and I think that in some ways, it's good to explore the corporate world out there, and not just hang on to things that I've done before. I mean, I started out playing safe when I should have taken the risk. But realistically speaking, I can't risk it because of my family.

But honestly, personally, exiting that path was one of the best decisions I've made this year.  I feel a lot happier now really because I feel that I'm driving towards a path paved for me. ;P However, I feel really irresponsible for not thinking about my family's situation in pursuance of my own happiness and contentment. I also feel a bit useless because I failed to love something I don't love. Sometimes, I just don't know what is right and wrong. Am I wrong for not trying to like a routine job? Or am I right to go after my dreams? If there's one thing I've learned this year, it is that life is confusing. Maybe I should have learnt that ages ago.

Moving on to more airy matters. Watched New Moon today. Well, gonna write about it soon. Trust me! Gonna be a whole lot of grandma stories from me hehe. Lots to share and loads to tell.

Met up with another cool interviewer today - a newspaper editor. Who knew that interviews could be fun chatting sessions ya? I remember my cousin Shereen's words, interviews are not only about getting the job, but it's also about meeting great (or not-so-great) people (but I have the pleasure of meeting all super cool people),  networking and maybe along the way, gain some new friends. I think that that is a great principle to live on. I mean, sometimes, we should learn not to expect so much (though the positive outcome is a bonus ya =D) but learn to enjoy the journey. I guess it's something that I'm learning to do - not to expect haha.

Anyway that was my day!

A happy one. Ended up with a steamboat with my cousins and tired eyes but it's all good.

Tomorrow I'll be working to ensure some smooth transition haha (hopefully really smooth) and then I'm off to embark on my journey towards my dreams and happiness.

In my opinion, to enjoy the gift of work...we have to enjoy working. Though I hope to find a job that I love, I  guess I'll also have to learn to love the work that I dislike. But I guess it always starts with something we don't really like before we get to do things we love. Well, that's life. But again, I'm  considered one lucky girl because I have friends and family who are always there to give me that push and support!

TammyC